Below you’ll find a sample coaching notes that I personalize for each of my clients after meeting.
Well, we admitted that it would be hard to out-do the previous week with changes and events. You guys had a lot of action and movement in the past week again. I am so happy that you are trying out the “catching you doing things right” chart because in time it will make you look at your son differently. As we talked about in our session, it is very easy to make one of the kids your project and it prevents us from addressing other issues that are challenging for us as a couple. Thank you for sharing the information about your issues with disagreeing on how to manage your son and the fact that you feel so tied between the past and present. I want you both to look at what has transpired over the last couple of years. As you found introspection, you said that you were handling everything at home and felt pretty independent. Your mother was helping you out a great deal with your son of course which is different now.
Are there some other factors in your lives where the decision making and control is more on one person than as a team? Many couples struggle with this because it is easy for one person to manage things and to be a major decision maker, but often the other spouse feels a loss of control which can lead to resentment and anger and wear down the relationship. I think that it is very important to look at your boundaries and both of your abilities to listen to one another and to respect that your opinions may differ. As I coach, I want to make sure that you are both heard and that nothing gets silenced or masked with the changes. As a coach, I do not get involved with medication because I am not diagnosing or prescribing; however, I am able to ask questions that may encourage you to assess your situation and feelings that may help you in overall health of your family.
I am copying several social cues topics for you such as “Something I like about myself and something I would like to change”, things that make me happy, worry, and angry. I gave you copies of the comic strip stories that help in reading classmates/peers emotions and choosing friends. We will eventually get to all of the chapters as I copy them for you. This book is helpful with everyone, even adults.
You are going to get the Boundaries with Kids book by Cloud and Townsend or check it out at the library. When you read it please read it with an open mind and think of yourselves. Are you able to keep boundaries with your space, time, commitments, feelings, etc? I would prefer that you read and process at your own pace. It isn’t a right or wrong type of thing and not a competition so neither one of you are going to be better than one another. Feel free to take notes while you read it if you want to talk about certain issues in it or if you feel like you really struggle with one area or another. This is a learning process and you guys are doing so much in the positive direction. You should both feel really great about your efforts and achievements.
We can work on some role playing between the two of you if you both feel like you want to try it. I think that you expressed that (spouse) confidence and quick decision making may feel inept at times and that you feel a need for more room for error and involvement in the plan. This is a very common thing that happens with working couples. You are both educated, decision makers at work, and confident in your workspace. You merged your two families together and now you need to function as a team. You won’t always be right. You won’t always be the first to come to a decision, and you may be wrong at times. We will talk about this and how that makes you feel to be wrong. Let’s look at the Empathy and Patience information (power point) next week to further prepare you for being proactive.
You guys are so incredibly fun to coach and I am very happy you have involved me in your quest towards being a great team/ family. Have a safe and peaceful weekend. I will send you the parenting styles questions. Please let me know that you received everything.
Thanks and you can do it!